Although I love the holiday season, I am not too sure it is actually the most wonderful time of year. Actually, let me rephrase that... Although I love the holiday season, I am pretty sure that it brings out the best and worst of human nature, and, therefore, while it is wonderful in one way, it is ironically, also a time when good will toward men is only reserved for charities and anyone who does not get in your way while driving or shopping...
Most people would like to believe that this time of year people tend to share, give, and love a bit more than any other time of year. We would like to believe that we celebrate the beauty of human kind, and have a heightened sense of charity. And to an extent, this is true. During this time of year, we always hear stories of people giving, above and beyond what is expected of us. This year, we have heard of anonymous samaritans paying off strangers lay-a-way items without taking the spotlight for it and screaming, "I did this, aren't I great!" We have also heard of a man in Pennsylvania who handed out $100 bills to the needy, and was only 'identified' as Secret Santa by the red stamps on the bills. He even refused to let the news cameras film his face, because he wanted his gift to be about the gift itself, and not about how good of a person he was. I have just read about a thrift store that was giving away toys so families that may not have been able to otherwise, could have Christmas presents. I am sure if you took a poll, more people give to charities and to the homeless this time of year than any other. And all of this is wonderful. We, as a society do, in a way, become more charitable during Christmas.
But, what is it about us that makes us so cruel to the strangers directly in our paths this time of year? Especially if we feel that they are impeding on us getting that hot deal on that hot Christmas gift before they can. Or, that last parking spot that is anywhere near the front of the store. I remember one Christmas season when I was shopping with my mom, we had finally found a parking spot at the mall after circling the lot for what seemed like forever. A man in a big truck had wanted that parking spot so badly, that he actually pushed our van out of the spot with his truck! Then, there is the ever popular story of the Christmas that the Nintendo first came out. My mom had gone Christmas shopping to buy my sister and me one. She told me that, after grabbing the last one off of the shelf, she had to physically hold it in her cart, because a woman came over and tried to take it right out of my mother's hands! There are stories like this told all the time. Not to mention the lovely woman who decided to pepper spray other patrons to make sure she got her Black Friday goodies. Or, even worse, the 2008 Walmart stampede that killed a security guard who was unlocking the doors to let in the Black Friday rush.
As well as the shopping frenzy that causes normal everyday people to turn into the likes of Sean Penn dealing with paparazzi, you have the road rage.. I doubt I am the only one that noticed that road rage incidences escalate this time of year. To use an age old saying, If I had a dollar for every time I saw a middle finger this time of year, I would be able to put all four of my kids through med school. I can't tell you how much it amazes me, every year, how thoughtful and giving people can be on one hand, and yet, on the other be so completely consumed by the materialistic drive of commercial Christmas.
I know that many other people have touched on this subject. I know that one little, barely read blog is going to do much to change all of this, but I can continue to pray that people wake up to the insanity that they are bestowing upon the world, and lighten up a bit. It would be such a beautiful thing if people would stop and reflect on what this season is supposed to be, regardless of religious affiliations. Christmas is supposed to be about putting others before yourself. It is about celebrating the wonder and kindness of the human spirit, and that isn't even counting what it should mean to Christians. The next time you are tempted to flip off the driver who got that parking space before you, or who managed to get that last toy on the shelf, or even the guy who cuts you off in traffic (and I KNOW this is the hard one) try thinking about what this time of year is really about. Although, I think it would be wonderful if everyone could implement the spirit of giving all year long, I won't try to push my luck, but really, would it really hurt to just let it go and be graceful and thoughtful, just this once... Just for this one time of year, if nothing else??
Growing up, I was very observant of the expectations society, and women themselves, placed upon the idea of the "modern woman". I grew up in a time where women were no longer satisfied to stay at home, or to pursue careers that were previously the socially accepted norms for the working woman. I will dare say, that in my conscious existence, society was actually well past that phase of the evolution of the modern woman. I grew up with women like Clair Huxtable as role models for what a grown-up woman was supposed to be like. Not only was she a working woman, but she was super intelligent, strong, beautiful, funny, and always there when the kids needed her. She was, in no way, seen as the second in command to Heathcliff's lead. She was in every way, a formidable presence in the household, and yet they still had a romance and love for each other that time had only made stronger. Gone were the June Cleavers of the world, who dutifully kissed their men as they returned from work, who always had a hot meal ready, and always made sure to have a freshly done layer of make-up. That is, except to be parodied in shows like The Simpsons. I grew up thinking that to be a successful woman who was looked up to, you had to aspire to be successful in the business world, that you shouldn't be expected to do the more domestic things in life, and that having kids was fine for some, but that it shouldn't be a compromise for your freedom to be an independent woman.
It seems to me that, as time moves on, the portrayal of women through social media and pop culture, are pretty much on par with what they were in the late 90's. The biggest stumbling block I have noticed with "women's lib" seem to be us women ourselves. It seems women are so busy trying to fight societies view of what society expects of us, that we never took the time to realize that we already have won. We won with Clair Huxtable. It has gotten to the point now, that we are at odds with each other over what a feminist actually is, and what she should think, and how she should behave. There is still a large faction of women who feel that in order to be a true modern woman, you need to stick to your guns and prove you are as good as, or better than, the men around you, especially in the business world. They have the idea that to breastfeed, stay at home with the children, or be a mother before an individual, is to knock the progress we have made as a society of women, back to the days of June Clever. I think this is such an unfortunate view point. I know that there is still double standards, especially for the sexual behavior of women as opposed to men, but I think that the attitude presented in pop culture, that we are still struggling as women to be accepted as equals, is only furthering those double standards. I think that the majority of men already do view us as equals, and if we were to accept that, and just represent that in our lives, and in our tv shows, social media, etc., the rest would fall in line. We as women, are our biggest enemy.
I also feel that, because of this, those of us that choose to be mothers first, are made to feel a bit guilty of our choices, but I refuse! I think the ultimate form of feminism, is to make your own life choices, and be proud of them. To embrace that we have come to a wonderful place in the fact that we have choices. I have the option to be a working mom, or a stay at home mom. I have that choice, and that right. We should rejoice in that! We have options and are no longer made to live our lives in one certain way in order to be perfect women. It is a beautiful thing! And it is even more beautiful that we don't have to be perfect women. And, come on, isn't that real freedom?
Top 10 loves..
10. Knitting: It relaxes me
and I always feel accomplished when a project is done.
9. Cooking: Baking
or cooking a meal, I love the process and the feeling that it gives me when
people enjoy something I have made. Unfortunately, I enjoy eating it as much as
making it.
8. Books: I love to
read. And not just books... If I am bored, and there is no books around me, I
will read what ever is around, whether it be the back of a shampoo bottle, or
the back of a cereal box.
7. Movies: Though it is
been hard for me to keep up with new releases due to having small children, and
due to no time for myself to go to a theater, or even rent, I love the pure
escapism that movies represent. I know it is debatable, but I find escapism, in
moderation, an important part of mental health.
6. Silliness: Also
important to ones mental health is the ability to just have a bit of fun, to
laugh at the small things from time to time, instead of letting them stress you
out. The ability to have fun with your kids, pets, family, and/or friends, be
playful, and laugh with them.
5. Sleep: It is on my list,
because I miss it. I don't get much of it anymore, and, not only is it not
healthy to be sleep deprived, it is also not very good for the general
satisfaction of daily living.
4. The outdoors: I can not
stay inside for very long. I go stir crazy very quickly. I very much wish that I
lived somewhere that was conducive to outdoor activities for more of the year,
as I am not very tolerant of the heat. Which brings me to....
3. Fall and Spring: I am
happiest during these short, transitional seasons. Here in Georgia, as well as
in Texas, the summers are very unforgiving and it makes it hard to go outside.
Winters are varying, it seems, here in Savannah, but in Texas, they tend to be
wet and miserable. The spring is so beautiful with all the flowers and the
perfect weather, and there is just something so special about fall.. I love the
way it smells...
2. My family: My children
are my reason for living. It is afairly standard statement that is said by most
mothers, as it should be, but it hardley makes it any less true. I didn't know
how to live life before I had them. They have made me a better human being. My
parents are a rock I can rest on emotionally, and I cherish them and all they
have done for me. I am thankful that I have my sister in my life. She is an
amazing human being. She is stubborn, beautiful, funny, strong, and I am blessed
that I have gotten to a place in life that we can, again, be friends.
1. God: I am not very vocal
about it, nor do I tend to advertise it, but there is no denying that God has a
very special place in my life. I am a Christian. I go to church every Sunday, my
children are actively involved in the church's youth group, I value the quiet
times that I spend with the Lord, I cry when the choir sings and it sturs my
soul, I consider a good sermon one that leaves me sobbing with joy, or
compassion, in my pew, and the Christmas Eve candle light service (or midnight
mass if I get the chance to go to one) is my favorite, because it always leaves
me with goosebumps. I believe in living with the compassion of Christ in your
heart, doing whatever you can to help and show love to your fellow man. I also
believe that those of other religions have just as much of a right to revel in
the beauty of their religions, as I do in mine. After all, it is the same God. I
just believe, with all my heart, that His son died for my sins. That is the only
difference. I accept people of all faiths and beliefs to be my friends and enjoy
learning about their views and what moves them. I will never ridicule anyone and
ask that no one ridicule me.
Top 10 things I
hate...
10. Having to wear shoes:
Which is actually somewhat paradoxical, because I adore shoes. My feet are just
naturally hot and so I don't wear them often, and because of that, I am not used
to the feel of them on my feet, so I find them uncomfortable.
9. Pain: Ok.. I know no one
(or mostly no one) likes to feel pain, but I am actually, to much comic expense
on my part, known for my wimpiness. Other than having babies, I have never
handled pain well.
8. Sports announcers: It
isn't sports I can't tolerate. I actually like watching the sports themselves,
with the exception of golf. Although, they are coming out with some
really good looking golfers these days, but I digress. I can't stand the way the
announcers talk. I can not give you a good reason why, other than it just,
definitely, does not float my boat. I would much rather listen the sounds of the
sports themselves. Like the squeaking of basketball shoes on the court, or the
thuds of American football players bashing into each other. That may actually
be the only advantage that televised golf has, according to me, over the other
sports.... The announcers whisper.
7. Tuna: Yeah, not much to
say here. Just not a fan.
6. Laundry: You wash, and
wash, and wash, and it never ends... ever.
5. Dishes: See
above
4. The majority of my
tattoos: Shoulda listened to Mom. But really, it was an ugly time
in my life
and they are ugly tattoos, and there is nothing I can do to change either. Just
do my best to accept that part of me and move on.
3. Stubborn ignorance:
Ignorance in itself is okay, because it is something that is fixed through
enlightenment. Unintentional ignorance is something that, by it's very nature,
is something you are unaware of being uninformed about. It is the absolute
refusal to educate yourself about something because, in doing so, you would have
to change something you believe to be true that is so atrocious to me. Be it
something you hate that you would no longer be able to hate, something that you
love that you would no longer be able to love, or something that you have
refused to learn about, because then you would have to actually do something
that benefits someone other than yourself, or just simply because you can't
stand to be wrong.
2. Intolerance: A lot of
this goes right back to stubborn ignorance. As we are all taught at a young age,
most intolerance is the child of ignorance. I could write a whole novel on why
intolerance bothers me, but I will leave it simply like this; we are, for the
most part, all just trying to get through our lives in the best way we know how.
It is not for us to judge those whose lives we do not understand, but to try to
come together as a society and help each other get through it
together.
1. Labeling: This one goes
right back to numbers two and three. The purposeful labeling of anyone, in any
way, in order to hurt or defame them, is wrong. No ifs, ands, or buts about it.
To take who they are as a whole of a person, and then demoralize and
belittle them, to fit them into a single generalizing word used to make them less
than who they really are, is wrong. Be that because of race, creed, religion,
sexual orientation, gender, body size, or promiscuity. You can disagree with
what they do in life. You don't even have to like every thing they do in life.
But to humiliate, hurt, and demoralize them, is not okay. One of the ones that
stick out for me, although they all ruffle my feathers, is the labeling of
women, especially by other women. We are judged enough by the double standards
set by society. We shouldn't be making it worse by following along with the
crowd. I often will hear of a girl or woman who is promiscuous or just dresses
immodestly, or worse, just simply isn't liked by the person talking about them,
and inevitably, she will be called a slut, or some variation there of. This is a
horrible and hurtful slur. When it comes to the life-style of promiscuity, I can
tell you through personal experience, and through getting to know, and listening
to, women from all walks of life, no woman/girl really wants to be in that
life-style. It is an ugly, dark place, filled with pain and self hate that is so
debilitating, that you can not possibly understand it unless you know how it
feels. I have never met a young lady, or an adult woman, who is sexually
promiscuous because they just simply want to be. (And just for argument sake,
let's say there is a few, that choice is not ours to judge.. bu if there is any,
it is a very few.) There is always a core issue, a lot of times stemming from
sexual abuse/violence, that brings them to a place where they simply can not see
beyond their own self hate and pain, and that causes them to reach out in
unhealthy ways to desperately find someone to care about them, to love them, to
acknowledge them as being worth something. Anything. When looking at these girls
and women, it is so important to remember that they are hurting. There is
already enough self-hate there, that to add to the hate by demoralizing them,
or shaming them, does nothing but hurt them further. It would be as if you were
to walk up to a chained and abused animal and kicked it in the head. It is an
ugliness that further deepens the cause of the behavior. What these girls need
is real help. They need real love. They don't need sneers of disgust. The worst
part of this type of prejudicial behavior towards these women, is that it is one
of the few prejudices that is still socially acceptable, if not socially
encouraged. One of the things I want to do in my life, is work, through the form
of ministry, to raise awareness, and provide the help, guidance, and love that
these women need to get to a place where they can start to be whole again. I was
blessed to have found my way out of that darkness, and I can see, with a first
hand experience, the pain and hurt that these women go through, so I think I
could really start to make a difference in the way they are viewed, and the way
they are treated.
So.. if you have read
through this whole thing, thanks! You now know a bit more about me. It is just
the surface of the pond, but it is a start. I think I am a pretty good friend to
have. I have been through a lot and have lots of compassion and friendship to
give. Peace and Love to all of you!
-Sarah
